The next episode of Southpark has Mrs Garrison talking about Evolution. Kind of got me started on thinking about what I think about Evolution. Sure it's a great song and a billiant theme for X-Men to come up with neat super heroes. But do I really believe that I came from monkies? Let's have a look shall we. Turn to page 3. No not that Page 3 - that's for retards.
A recent study conducted shows that in 10,000 years humans will have seperated into 2 species. Much like what happens in The Time Machine. A peace loving beautiful bunch of people an murderous ugly group of Londons. Let's call the first group The Pansies. And the 2nd group The Madarchods. So, the recently conducted study says that the Pansies will live all pretty while the Madarchods will scrounge on their leftovers and finally most probably quite simply blow away the Pansies and take over the world. What's to say that this hasn't happened already? You know the school room rhetoric - History repeats itself. So are we the Madarchods of another era? These are questions. Turn to page 4.
Evolution is a scientific theory and although I do understand the theory, I do not understand the research behind it. I believe it is solid and stands it's ground against a lot of "Really, Mr Scientist!!!" sort of conjecures. Page 5 please.
Everything changes. Obviously. Everything moves on. Except rocks. They just rock on. And make for great places to sit on when you want to have a smoke. And surely we weren't always the way we are today. Bill Hicks suggests that evolution from monkey to man began when a group of primates smoked up for the first time. Sounds like a solid theory. A group of monkeys caught in the middle of a cannabis forest fire suddenly realise that the fire is only as hot as they might want to eat a worm. When they somehow escape, they have a conference (which is where the word "dude" was used 3,000 times for the last time by a group of monkies) and invent monkey caps. They evolve.
Page 6.
The whole of Clarke's Space Odyssey was about evolution. The tychomonolith that jumpstarts intelligence. We didn't just grow. We didn't just happen. We were engineered, assisted, shown the way.
Page 7.
X-Men talks about Evolution that happens in spurts every 100,000 years. A period of time in history where some people are born with genetic hotwiring that makes them super cool and in Mystique's case, fucking hot. So maybe the dinosaurs never really got extinct. Maybe we evolved from them. There might be paleontologists who disagree, but who's to say - they might find a bone in a swamp in Gujrat proving that we are descendants from dinos. I'd much rather be a great grandson to a Brontosaurus than monkey. I hate monkies. They're annoying and once in Delhi they fucked up the eggs and vegetables in our kitchen. Plus, it's a fuckin monkey who starts off that disease in that Dustin Hoffman movie. Wouldn't it be nice if someone found out that we have descended from dinosaurs?
Have you made up your mind yet? About Evolution? Finally...
Page 8.
The Hubble Telescope queefed some information that showed us that the Universe if 13 billion years old. Last time I checked it was 15. Is Mr Hubble trying to lie to us? What if tomorrow he tells us that the Universe is only 200 million years old? And for the 1st 100 million years, the only living creatures were Pandas. Which explains why they want to just die away. They refuse to have sex, eat only rare bamboo grown on the shady slopes of some place 500 miles away and won't even smile at the webcam placed in their room. Animals with a death wish.
In conclusion, Darwin was a dick, but I wouldn't say it to his face if I met him.
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